I Survived the Diepsloot Hotel - True Story!

 

What do you want??

I looked hopelessly at the man, lounging in a plastic chair, leaning precariously against the wall of the veranda of Diepsloot Hotel.

“I want to stay in your lovely establishment.”

That did not have the desired effect of perking up the man. He seemed even more disinterested. “well I suppose that’s possible. It’s expensive though. Is it just you?”

Yes, I said, not put off by that comment which was clearly designed to put me off.

Ok. I’ll charge you R500. And that’s just the room. Everything, everything else is extra. For example, its R100 to clean the room. R50 for a towel. R80 to use the bathroom. And another R50 to get me out this chair to give you the key. A concierge charge, I suppose.

I gulped. He really didn’t want me. But I really really wanted to stay here. I mean, I write a travel blog, and people get bored. This was going to be an absolute blockbuster of a story. It already was. I had to push on.

“That sounds fine. I’ll take it, thank you very much.”

The man took it on the chin. He was clearly trying to hide how irritated he was, as he slowly as he could, stood and began wandering towards what was supposedly the reception door. Inside he took a key from a hook. The only key, and the only hook, and vanished through another door into the bowels of the building. I assumed I had to follow, and soon he was fiddling the key in a lock, which clearly didn’t quite fit the key, until it reluctantly unlocked and he opened it. Then he wandered away.

I walked in. Immediately noticeably was the stark bareness of it. There were two lonely wooden chairs in front of a small table and a TV, the centrepiece of the room. To the side there were two single beds. A door led through to a bathroom. Ok, so he had implied there was no en-suite bathroom just to get rid of me. I went and looked inside the bathroom. It was old, so old it was hard to tell if it were clean or not. Old white tiles had peeled of the wall. An old white enamel steel bathtub was built in. There was a gaping hole around the bath taps, where clearly some plumbing work had been done, and was left open for future diagnostic purposes, I assumed. The basin was also a really old one, and the taps too, 1970s vintage I guessed. I gingerly looked into the also old toilet, with a cracked and loose hanging seat, no cover. I almost shouted for joy to see it was clean.

I walked out and looked at the beds, and the almost shout of joy died in my throat. The funny old threadbare cover was clearly stained. I dared not look at the sheets. Instead I noticed the remnants of scarlet red curtains hanging forlornly over part of the window. I also dared not turn the old tube TV on, it’s proud bearing as the only valued piece of furniture suggested it was used and appreciated to the full be previous guests. Resulting in the stains.

I began to dread my first night at the Diepsloot Hotel.

BTW, Avid Readers, this is a true story so far.

The Diepsloot Angels Strike!

 

“Everybody! Hands Up! This is a robbery!” Sipho yelled as loud as he could. He leapt onto the nearest cashier counter and pointed a gun over the glass frame shielding the cashiers. From behind the security door he heard Ace yelling similar in the back office. Everybody in the bank froze and put their hands in the air. There were about ten customers, plus five gang members, being CJ, Tiny, Dintse, Oupa and Siphilwe. All were brandishing hand guns. Of course, none of the customers could guess that only Sipho’s was real, and it had no bullets. After all, this was the first bank robbery for the Diepsloot Angels, that being their agreed gang name, so they had to save money.

Ace burst through the security door, and jammed it open using his toy gun. This infuriated Sipho inside, since no robber would use a real, useful gun un such an offhand manner. Now everyone new that Ace had had a toy gun, who else did they think had a toy gun? Ace’s appearance was the sign for CJ and Tiny to join him in the backoffice, get the manager, and get him to open the safe. Two of the group immediately ran through the door with Ace, and soon Sipho heard them threatening the manager and demanding the safe be opened.

Things were going remarkably well. The customers were still holding their hands in the air amnd looking suitably frightened. The five robbers among them were looking suitably menacing at them. Suddenly Sipho’s heart leapt into his throat. Why were their five still there? 5 minus the two in that went to the back office is 2. Why were there five?”

Sipho had never been good at Maths in school. He had never got more than a F. SO then, maybe five minus 2 is 5? That still just didn’y seem right. A gut feel, and Siphos gut was way more intelligent than his brain.

He looked closely at the people in the room. He saw a gun lying abandoned on a counter near the door. Damn, you could never trust these guys to act the part. He looked more closely at his five supposed gang members. He, of course, couldn’t tell who was who, since they all wore Covid masks, as did all the customers. He could see at least one was still menacingly brandishing his toy gun. Then, yes, there were definitely four others without their hands up, going to the customers with their hands up and demanding their personal items.

Sipho broke into a sweat. He realised that two customers had apparently just joined the gang, and were opportunistically raiding the customers, and there was nothing he could do about it.

After what seemed an eternity Ace and the other three came through the back office door, carrying big bags, hopefully full of cash. Ace waved the others through, grabbibg his handgun and unjamming the door, and allowing it to slam closed. Three? Sipho did a double take. Another new gang member, and again, who was who was impossible to determine. Why, for all he knew, CJ and Tiny had been left in the back office, and three bank clerks had come out. But what could he do?

Seeps, come down, let’s go. We’ve got the cash. Shouted Ace. Now that was Ace, judging by his voice, sipho thought. Or was it?

There was no time to sort the mess out, they all ran for the door, and one gang member held it open while all the others streamed out. Sipho was horrified to see the gang had now swelled to 12 active participants. At this rate, his split of the takings would be hardly anything, he thpought angrily.

There was another problem. The gang was now so big they would need to catch at least 2 taxis to get away. Some random gang member was already signalling a passing taxi, so Sipho signalled the one behind, and the gang packed themselves into the two taxis, joining the other taxi passengers. Both taxis were now very full, with gang members squashed up and sitting on top of one another.

It had taken 3 months, but detective Zikele had proved his worth. He had three members of the Diepsloot angels mixed in with 6 real prople in his identification parade. From behind the one way glass, he turned to the bank manager and the three clerks. “Do you recognise any bank robbers in the lineup?”

Yes, said the bank manager. Numbers 3,4,5,7, and 9

No, a clerk interrrupted. Not 5 and 10. They weren’t rthere. But I think 2 was. And 3 and 4 were there, but they were customers.

Another clerk intervened. No, you are both wrong. Number 1 was there, and as you say a customer, same as 3. But 4 definitely wasn’t there. 2 and 7 and 8 were gang members.

Soon all four were engaged in an intense argument for a good 20 minutes.

Detective Zikele sighed. So the Diepsloot Angels would ride again.